Free Parking

Yesterday we ventured on the M6 motorway(car park) to visit Andrew's brother,it seems the normal driving time is 40 minutes,due to traffic conditions we parked up on the said motorway for a couple of hours involuntarily breathing in fumes from other vehicles also "enjoying"similar post yuletide experiences,on the plus side we did enjoy free parking if you discount road tax already paid,I confess to being in poor humour at the experience.
Last night we went to the local docks for dinner in a Mexican joint,a suggestion that we walk there and back so everyone could have a drink, was generally reckoned to be a mistake in view of the black ice still lingering on roads and pavements, the two miles each way did not help.
Contrast this with the antipodean activities of our soon to be companions down under,who are luxuriating in a hot tub in more congenial temperatures as shown on Sonia's blog.

Yuletide is over

That's the end of yuletide for another year,and now it's the countdown to the big trip to the antipodes,the cat is prowling around and the sun is out in Preston,this is as interesting as life gets at the moment,I am even driven to watching the pathetic snow shovelling of Montana Mike on his blog,fingers are crossed here that the snow keeps away till after Wednesday,and there are no holdups at Ringway Airport.
The laptop was" spring cleaned" by the resident IT expert,I think that is defragged or some such technical term,I played a medley of Italian tunes like volare etc. this morning but was silenced by the other residents who were not as enamoured of my actions as I was,I am sure Sandra the pom will listen to them with more interest if I play them for her.
I hope all my many devoted readers are all in good health and that they indulge in a little jollity at the New Year festivity,during which we two intrepid travellers will be crossing the time zones in "comfort".

From our Preston correspondent

This morning Gina did her one up all up routine showering and general noise,before departing for work,luckily the two guests were already awake,and are old hands at this anyway,so here I am blogging at 7.30am having woke up at around 6am.
We survived the maniacs on the M62 motorway,and arrived yesterday complete with a pantechnicon load of food,and luggage,a bemused Andrew thought the unloading process was never coming to an end,and all three of us correctly forecast Gina's response when she came home from work,"Why have you brought all this food?",much has been made of the snow here in lancashire but conditions on the minor roads of lincolnshire were much worse,3 bridge lane(a road Sonia will know well) was particularly hazardous with the roadside dykes a threat to the unwary driver,and crossing the wolds the roads were covered in black ice,but the roadside trees looked spectacular with their coating of snow and ice sparkling in the sun.
Read Montana Mike's blog already and it reminded me of the real winter weather we encountered on our visit to their place in Kansas,we went out sightseeing in much worse conditions than the ones we are encountering here now,but the motorways were all clear though minor roads were icy and snow covered,I remember visiting Topeka a town not unlike Rotherham,and it was so cold we couldn't walk around in it,on the way back we visited Leavenworth and saw the infamous penitentiary,very forbidding.
I am off out now for a paper,strange having a paper shop in walking distance,but that's city living
for you, so today is Christmas eve,the old festival of Yuletide which the Christians adopted to suit their purpose,even moving the birthday of their "saviour"to suit,but as they say whatever floats your boat,so Merry Christmas , Huurva Juula and Buon Natale. Graham

George Clooney and Chardie Toblerone

Reflecting on the "over friendly attack" on my person by the WI "ladies"at the annual christmas dinner,I have reached the conclusion that they drank me into being George Clooney,the imbibing of much alcohol can give the impression that people are more presentable than is actually the case,but strangely enough the reverse seemed to be the outcome in this particular instance.
Sandra the pom was a picture of what a demure young lady should be, as we conversed on the webcam yesterday,her copious imbibing of Australia's finest white wine seemed to have little effect and she even offered up a new nom de plume for her SUPER MODEL role",Chardie Toblerone"which does have an antipodean flavour to it,however more care must be taken to remove traces of chocolate from around the side of the mouth,as this will show up badly on photo shoots, and she has prepared a lovely fruit cake for my arrival,but I think most of it will have been consumed before then, I am just a little concerned about the quality of the ingredients as I am led to believe they were purchased at the local Lidl Wholefood Emporeum down under.
Today we shopped for Christmas veg in Mablethorpe and Louth, we bumped into Mick and Montmorency,fellow South Yorkshire emigres in Lord Brothers outlet mall, they also were veg
shopping and are staying here beside the seaside beside the sea, for the festive season,rather than visiting relatives in Rotherham,the roads are clearing making driving a little safer and Mick was driving up to Grimsby on leaving Lord Bros,I think for last minute shopping.
The time is now 4.30 pm and pitch black outside,I mention this because I am informed today is the vernal equinox (shortest day) and it starts to get lighter from tomorrow.

Winter scenes from our house on the prairie

Cheek benders

This is the view from our window on Sat.19th December,just before we took the chickens on their winter holiday,I thought it would be nice and refreshingly cool for S&M and S&S in brisbane to look at as they are sweltering away down under.
Last night was quite eventful as can be seen on Sheila's blog,I am still recovering from the violent assault on my person by three rather inebriate "ladies" I have never been mugged by three WI members before it was "cheek benders" all round,and as I pointed out it was a dangerous action in view of Farmer Ben looking on and searching out the keys to his gun cabinet,his dearly beloved being one of the aggressors,and another of them being the wife of a local magistrate.

Lincolnshire Chicken farmers

montage

Breezy Day

Gale force winds today and last night blew out the vent on the greenhouse,which luckily was slightly damaged and is now back in place,the wind is blowing off the north sea and is allegedly coming all the way from Russia,it is very cold and scattering snow showers around.
Tomorrow is the Christmas dinner of the WI and more frequent snow showers are forecast so hopefully it will be ok for the trip to Burgh Le Marsh near skeggy.
Mick and Montmorency paid us a visit today and we had a few laughs about our travails in Rotherham in days of yore, and generally had a nag about car and house insurances and stuff,generally agreeing that insurance companies are sharks and gangsters.
It is in fact cold enough to warrant a small glass of the very expensive malt whisky I bought in a slightly inebriate state at Lincoln market,though I can't decide if I should use it as perfume or drink it.
Mary Sue made some colourful biscuits and I used this years complement of praise up all at one go,I think I was caught off guard by the unexpected bright colours,but there will be no more praise until next year as it is all used up.
Montana is now eating junk food by the cartload after his manic diet of last week,I fear for the lads health at times.
Down under is looming large now and after this weather seems ever more inviting,and Sheila is salivating thinking of the "four prawns and a bag of chips" she is intending to give a go.

Winding down

Just about finished all my posters,and now parcelling them up for delivery,only problem is some of them may not get paid before I go on walkabout,but not much I can do about that.
Its a bit like running the half marathon when I get inundated with work,and its head down and don't think about how far away is the finish line even though at first it seems a long way away,the finish eventually comes into sight,and it's the same adrenalin rush which takes a while to come down from.
The weather has been lovely sunshine but cold,and now today it's chucking it down,forecast is for some snow showers later in the week,so I may get a picture of the little house in a winter setting.
Watching Sophie the dog running around in the snow and barking,I think there may be problems with the neighbours regarding territorial rights! it might be a good idea to set up the electric fence to forestall this.
Whitefish Montana police log is it's usual entertaining self,a bit like a pit village on a saturday night.

Art Lesson

The oil painting of Rotherham Main Colliery I painted in 1966,and is a view of the pit head gear and winding engine house,from the bridge over the River Rother facing west,by this time the pit was closed and this structure is now demolished,I was born and spent the early part of my life in a colliery house around 100yards away from the pit,just over a railway cutting up on a cliff top.
The miners head is a painting I did on the computer wacom programme,and I plan to paint a large version on canvas in acrylic paint,end of art lesson.

Weekend with G and A

An eventful weekend ,our final bus/taxi trip to Lincoln,well mine at least, all further visits will be by car,we visited the seal colony at Donna Nook,about 8 miles up the coast to the north, which doubles as an RAF bombing range,but this is seemingly no problem to the seals,perhaps the fact they don't use live ammo may help.
Or visitors have now gone home to Preston West End,and the place is very quiet,apart from the occasional patter of raindrops on the windows,weather is a little cool today and I am considering emigrating for the worst of the winter.
Montana Mike is embarking on yet another masochistic diet,of seeds,water,and kit kats,he has also foolishly complained about the quality of his dear wife's haircutting abilities,so in my comments on his blog I encourage him to DIY haircut,the results are sometimes marginally worse,though I gave up on barbers here in the sticks long ago after many disappointments,and my artistic efforts are no worse than theirs,if at some future date I find myself in the position of being able to offer my services I will willingly give him the benefit of my expertise and cut his hair at no financial cost,I am a bit of a whizz with the #3 and #4 cutters.
Monseur Le Blade-Vegas is going to Sheffield to watch the Blades on tuesday and has kindly agreed to deliver a poster for me which may be my final one this year.

Democracy?

Business news today,one of Wall Streets best paid bankers Hugh Mcgee, head of Barclays capital investment banking,wants two teachers sacked at his son's private school because he claims the history teacher has a "leftist invective"because she told his son's class, that all investment bankers were" sleazeballs and dishonest",so he wants the head of school and this teacher sacked,I am led to believe that the USA is a democracy,or is that only applicable to right wing views,and when did it become a crime to tell the truth,this bloke was global head of investment banking at Lehman Brothers until its collapse last year,a quote from the teacher"somehow both Lehman Brothers andBarclays made a bunch of moneyon the Lehman bankruptcy" !unquote,maybe this McGee bloke is a student of the bible and this explains his attitude on life?
Now for the news in brief,Gina and Andrew are coming for a couple of days and cheap champagne is in the fridge( three quid a bottle Sandra from Tesco at Cleethorpes) this has been tested and found perfectly acceptable,the pheasant terrine Gina ordered,has been cooked by Sheila, and is now languishing in the fridge,this was the hen pheasant of a brace given us by our neighbour to the south,we had the male pheasant done as an Italian casserole,and may I say (Montana Mike please note)it was wonderful.
Weather is not very good,dull grey with lots of cloud but no rain,but forecast is sunny tomorrow
but the visit to Lincoln City appears to be off as there is a lack of interest among the normal crowd.

Cold day on the prairie

Good news on Farmer Joe,I spoke to his wife on the phone and she is off to bring him home from hospital in Grimsby,it seems he did suffer a heart attack after all , Sheila's original diagnosis,as she pointed out to me.
Weather is breezy from the north and a bit fresh as me owd mam used to say,in other words blowing a gale and very cold,good news about the little lass in America ,she is home from hospital and seems ok.
Strangely silent on the Le Blade front,are they house hunting in Sheffield? or holidaying again abroad? thats it for now ,Ciao

Snapshot of life on the prairie

Had a thunderstorm just now and lost our broadband for a while but now its back,we are waiting for news of farmer joe ,as we were called out to assist last night by his wife,paramedics came and took him off to hospital,though their on the spot heart monitor ruled out a heart attack.
I paid in the WI money and collected a paper from Mablethorpe,I go to the coop now as I have a card so may as well use it to get dividend.
We had a bloke came to survey the little house on the prairie for a government agency who are checking a random selection of properties as to the quality of life they afford the inhabitants,though they do not pass on their findings to the guinea pigs.
Other news is a call from the dentist arranging check ups for us both next month,at this stage of the proceedings it would be nice to get an all clear in time for our trip down under., I think it's the young one this time so no waiting in the chair while he warms up his 90 odd year old dad's dinner.
Spoke on the phone to the Le Blade - Vegas's about their bramall lane visit and other items of village and Sheffield news,It seems Monseur Le blade is a keen fan of the I'm a celebrity show currently on TV,he used to like Samantha Fox for her intellect but is a little perturbed at how much she has changed,and says he will miss looking at jordans legs??? now she has gone,I think he meant the silicone filled water wings affixed to her chest she is the proud? owner of.
The annual bus outing to Lincoln Christmas market is looming and I am informed that the cost for fare paying,as opposed to oap fare free passes,is around £7,though I don't know if that is the return fare,Ithink for that price it's probably to Lincoln Nebraska.

Quiet day on the prairie

While out collecting Sheila's medicines I missed a call from Signor Piero who has finally convinced the magazine to pay up,he has his methods,of course the robbing banks take a massive cut just to convert the euros into £s.
Then I managed to finish a poster order ,and we played with a photo the result of which is on Sheila's blog, two genteel looking young ladies aren't they?
I posted a parcel to Italy this afternoon from Mablethorpe post office and was not recognised,but I shall not be using them for larger parcels as it becomes a trial,they don't have customers,only enemies.

Antipodean mystery?

Big problems in OZ,somebody has eaten 3 squares of chocolate belonging to my ex apprentice,he can be a bit tempestuous when riled in this way,and the obvious suspect is far away in Kansas City and dredging up old misdemeanours like the Blue Riband incident are not appropriate,but slipping into Poirot mode I have a suspect in mind who I may or may not reveal at a later date.
Sheila will make up the shortfall when we arrive down under,and of course I shall placate the poor lad in my usual way by offering to borrow money from him,though it is a very serious crime which has taken place here.
We have been suffering gale force winds all night and as I write the weeping willow tree in the front garden is thrashing about like an enraged multi tentacled octopus, though it has hardly shed any foliage yet,the upside of strong winds is the view from our front bedroom of the Lincolnshire wolds and Louth church spire,and at night the TV mast about 25 miles away on the wolds is an illuminated red column.
Not being much good at IT and relying on the Preston helpline to iron out problems I think on this occasion Montana Mike may be right,and a wireless router would solve the access problem for Sonia's laptop.
So from the little house on the prairie where no buffalo roam,though deer play,G'DAY,(just getting into the language)

Nowt Much

Today was taken up with taking the car in for service,and shopping at the farm shop in alvingham for meat,then collecting the car this afternoon, they always provide a loan car free,so we were able to use it for the shopping trip,weather is breezy but unbroken sunshine and not too cold.
It seems that me and farmer Ben are designated drivers for the WI dining event at Burgh Le Marsh,near Skeggy,we have to wait outside in our uniforms complete with peaked cap in the cold and salute when the WI drunkards reel out of the posh restaurant,and present us with a toy out of the crackers, no doubt we shall pass the time speaking of fertilizers and rabbit control and other items of that ilk.

Turned out fine again

This morning turned out fine just like the George Formby song of yesteryear,(a favourite of my old journalist friend Moshe,)so fine that I cycled to the CooP in Mablethorpe for a paper,this being the sticks it did not open until 10am,giving me the opportunity to cycle along the sea wall just in time to watch them launching the lifeboat,though I think it was routine and not a call out as the sea was calm,I never got to see the lifeboat at pitsmoor en route pour le papier,on the other hand you can't get a Daily Jang down here for luv ner money.
I clocked 74 mph on the return journey and would have been quicker if it was not for the wind resistance created by my Roy Cropper bag,and the flapping of my fluorescent yellow waistcoat.
This afternoon I trimmed one of the willows in the front garden to allow the eucaliptus chance to get more light as willows grow at a tremendous rate and hog all the space,which reminds me I need to get some cuttings from Le Blade Vegas's laveteria before he departs for the loxley valley, laveteria grow well here, and would make a nice splash of colour in front of the dyke.
Yesterday was coffee morning at the village hall and report back time from the Benidorm duet Vegas,little was said about the environs ,probably just as well but it seems the weather was kind to them,but no sign of a tan in evidence?it seems Ricki Tomlinson was in the same hotel adding a little scouse culture to the resort,I introduced a little terminological inexactitude by telling all and sundry that the holiday cost nothing ,as their appearances as extras in the Benidorm Comedy TV show paid for everything,this will now be circulating the village as an absolute fact, I should have been a journalist,me and cockney lil's husband had an amusing ten minutes or so discussing made up stories in the rags,he used to be a press photographer so is wise to the wiles of that profession,and of course my background as a cartoonist and partner in crime to Moshe when he was an editor I worked closely with gave us some common ground,we agreed that the whole of the News of the World was made up by inventive journalists,I will finish with Moshe's old saying,"Never let the truth get in the way of a good story".

Baby Bandits and King Edwards

Capitalism at its best today,the elderly couple on the caravan site who I book flights for on the internet, had to cancel their 3 month winter visit to spain due to ill health,they asked me to cancel the flights with" bmibaby" so they can recover the cost of flights on their insurance,for which they need a confirmation of cancellation from the airline,it is not possible to cancel on the internet,now why would that be?because they charge £20 to send a letter of cancellation,and if you could cancel on line it would cost nothing but the paper and ink,added to which they give you a premium cost phone number to ring,(this can be avoided by googling "no more 0870")which provides free alternative numbers at normal charges.

Sheila took charge of this task as I am a little hard of hearing and prone to losing my temper with the people on the other end of the phone,the result is the two pensioners are £20 worse off through no fault of their own.

This £20 it seems will pale into insignificance in relation to the BIG MISTAKE Montana Mike has made,sending cigars to Sam the Pom through the post direct to OZ instead of to us here from whence we would put them in our luggage and no duty would be payable,it seems there will be hell to pay as well as many Australian dollars in customs duty! I do hope there will be a video recording of the arrival of the fine King Edward Invincibles without expletives deleted.

Last night was spent watching the local derby match at Oakwell between Barnsley and Sheffield United,the usual rough tackling poor football, and the result a draw, though I thought Barnsley were the better team,and it took 2 penalties granted to Utd for them to salvage something from the game.

Farce!

Well yesterday was a farce. We went to the village, parked the car and got on the bus for Louth.Good. Then we looked to change buses to go to Lincoln only to be told that there wasn't a bus for another 90 minutes! That would have been no good to us as we were meant to be meeting mr & Mrs sexbomb in Lincoln. Anyway we decided to go home and got back on the same bus that had brought us to Louth. The bus driver was somewhat startled and said " wouldn't you like to spend some time in Louth now that you are here?" NO! We are in a bad mood now! One hour later then we set off we arrived back in the village. It wasn't too much of a disaster anyway as we then decided to drive to Grimsby and I managed to do a big chunk of my Christmas shopping!
Today we have the government survey man coming to talk to us about housing. Then we will go and have the flu jab.It's all go!
More will be going on in Kansas today when the Cyclist is moving house. I hope they enjoy their new home. They will still be feeling the effects of their grandchilds illness and it will be weighing heavy on their minds so I hope everything goes smoothly in the move.
The news about Kedzie is encouraging. She does look a little better without all those horrible tubes etc. I hope she continues to improve.
Love sheila x

Lincoln City

Yesterday and today I was busy with posters for a Sheffield church,it's christmas stuff this time of year ,it all helps towards funding the OZ trip,It's breezy today here on the prairie and heavy showers are order of the day,we hope it will be better tomorrow as we are meeting up with our ex neighbours Sexbomb and his long suffering wife in Lincoln City,we are giving it another go on the bus using our free passes,though now we have to change buses in Louth,so it may not be the ex pit bus that we were on last time,Sheila is arranging a mass pensioner visit by bus to the Christmas market in Lincoln, the same as last year only this time we shall hopefully see the market and not the pubs of Lincoln.
Ian Le Vegas and their lass are still in Benidorm soaking up the booze and sunshine so if they have not sold their house they should be up for the bus trip again when they get back to blighty.
I watched the Blades v Newcastle match on sky last night and was very disappointed with Sheffield Uniteds performance,they never looked like scoring in spite of having at least three chances,along with most other teams they need a goalscorer,though the present bunch of their forwards seem to lack basic skills.
I tried to google when it is market days in Lincoln and came up with a farmers market,trouble is it was Lincoln Nebraska,which is not on the free bus route.

Vegas,Benidorm,and Crocodile Mick.

Here we go again,I just started writing a blog, and was into it when the computer decided to update stuff and wiped it,as I was saying before the interruption,Le blade has gone to Benidorm on a cultural exchange for 2 weeks,it is probably marginally better than 2 weeks in Armley prison,on his return he shall be known as Ian Vegas ,for our US readers benefit,we have an "alleged" comedy programme on tv, set in this slightly down market Spanish holiday resort ,one of the main actors is named Johnny Vegas,who is in real life a drunken slob,not that I personally hold that against him.
Crocodile Mick rang us yesterday from OZ,to complain about me sending him the wrong phone number for our place,this being the reason he has not phoned,in reality he needed to exclude the 0 from the area code ,which his dear wife informed him would facilitate the call,he then told me to get a pencil( I think maybe they are not yet into pens and joined up writing in the outback) and write the proper number to ring from OZ,and was taken aback when I said, "I already know this number as it's my own"all this because he will not use skype as he does'nt like computers,after some little banter and whole sentences of expletives of an Australian nature,I told him to turn the skype programme on and Sheila would talk to Debbie his long suffering wife ,which is what happened ,our itinery is now in place,the Millson lads are excluded from the decision making process as being unfit for purpose,and he is back to boosting the profits of VB brewery.
I think the former prisoners of her majesty(pohms) are a little laid back and can only think it is the sun which acts as a soporific,he says its geriatric dementia and Victoria Bitter combined.
It has been decided that we shall drive leisurely through the outback up to their place taking about 3 days,we insisted no camping will be considered on this journey, due to the possibility of life threatening reptiles and spiders displaying an unwelcome interest,I do know he has a "ute" vehicle but hopefully he also has a normal car as I don't think the two girls will appreciate bouncing about in the back among the crates of beer and two bottles of sherry,and him saying"She's a good sort your Sheila"and me replying "Thee wait till we stop!!!!!!! tha waint think so then"

Spike

Not been much to write about on the blog recently,but I was cheered up by looking at Spike Milligan videos on Montana Mike's blog,I remember a tale told by one of Spike's pals that he once lay down in the doorway of an undertakers shop,folded his arms across his chest ,closed his eyes,and shouted, SHOP!
I remember visiting a restaurant when we were in Kansas City ,and during a conversation with the waiter,who was a theology student in his spare time,I recommended Spike's "The old Testament according to Terence Milligan",it would have been a treat to know if the lad read it or not,and would he have taken it seriously?
I suppose now I shall be looking at the whole lot of the Milligan videos,which in itself is not an unpleasant pastime,and if busy business tycoons in Kansas can find the time I am sure I can.
Sam the Pom has called time on the excess spending of Sandra and is now back to his old frugal self,he is I think modelling himself on me which is not a wise thing to do,as this frugality is frowned upon by those who are not able to see the justice of it,and can lead to satirical comments about wallets being moth breeding facilities.
Ciao

Nettles and stuff

Just had a couple of hours chopping nettles in the ditch next to the hen hut,unfortunately hens will eat anything but nettles,and I have to chop them down around three times a year,so they can get out through the ditch to the field,I notice cows don't eat them either,and yet the tree huggers keep telling us to cook them up and eat them!
The weather is sunny but a cold wind blowing from the north is keeping down the temperature,it is supposed to be warmer tomorrow,though the nettle chopping had me sweating,almost as much as buying a pint in a pub.
Sophie the dog has turned into a mole catcher over in Kansas City,we could do with her here,I noticed a few mole hills in the dyke/ditch so I think there may be a lot of worms to be had,hens love them and gulp em down like spaghetti,(worms not moles)so much for todays nature study,other news is Le Blade is on the internet with his house,so its shortly goodye to him,and I shan't have a playmate down here.
I did find a stone cottage at midhopestone but when I noticed the grade 2 listed building bit did not pursue the matter,though I only looked at it to kid Le blade I was moving onto the pennines,which it has to be said is spectacular scenery.

Exodus

Well its done! Le Blades have put their house on the market and are looking for property in the Sheffield area,if I had the shekels I would not hesitate to buy it,and I recommend it to potential buyers ,sadly it has not suited them living in the sticks and there is no point in staying where you are not happy,they will be sadly missed here on the prairie.
Montana Mike is a little like a dentist on his latest blog,"down in the mouth"I think he needs to go on holiday for a few days to florida,that would cheer him up.it does the job for me visiting the sunshine state,so if it works on me it will work on anybody, I particularly recommend the emerald coast on the florida panhandle,wonderful pure white sand and emerald green sea,it has to be seen to appreciate it.
For the reader requesting informaton on wacom,it is a tablet on which you can replicate various art tools,paint,pastel etc.an example is the miners head illustration to the right of my blog which was done with simulation pastel,any further requests for information on IT matters will receive my full attention.
The computer is back up and running thanks to a very skilled young Lancashire lad from Chorley,who was fortified with apple turnovers with icing on top during his marathon task,and who's initial diagnosis of the problem was confirmed by sony technicians.
Weather is a bit grey at the moment and rain is forecast during this week,which will please the local farmers as drought conditions obtain at the moment with dust blowing off the fields,and newly sown seed needing some moisture to get it started.

Computers

Today musing on computers,I think they are a wonderful tool if you have a degree in computing or one to one tuition like Sonia,failing this they are the most frustrating invention I have ever encountered,words take on a different meaning to their original use and instructions on how insert various programmes are pure double dutch,in fact I know how Crocodile Mick feels about the bloody things,they fill you with a rage born of frustration and initiate a desire to be rid of the damn things once and for all,having said all that they allow me to write a diatribe like this and for it to be read by someone with nothing better to do with their time,anywhere in the world.

Preston to the prairie

Here we are back from Preston,and I warn anybody driving over the M62 that it is full of roadworks speed limitations ,as is the M180 ,the weather is not good today,cloudy but no rain,the fields are a dustbowl and clouds of dust are being created by the farm machinery,though some rain is forecast for saturday.
I am still trying to overcome Italian bureaucracy in pursuit of the money owing me from april,though I think I have finally overcome all the obstacles,but you never know,I think a lot of it is now eec inspired because some years ago I had no problem receiving payment from an Italian company I did work for.
This afternoon I am going bowling at the village hall ,le blade is not well he claims to have a flue type malaise,which must be true because he is not going to Sheffield for this evenings game against Ipswich.
Not much else happening here on the prairie so its goodbye from him.

Gina's Birthday

Today is Gina's 31st birthday,we spoke to her on the phone as she has the day off work along with Andrew,I think he was out buying her breakfast when we talked,me and Sheila went up to the doctors to collect her medicines,and then on to louth,where I took my watch in to the jewellers to have the back replaced,reason for this was I put a battery in it on saturday but could not replace the back,it's easy on cheap watches but not on good ones,it seems they have a special machine to replace them at the shop,they said no charge but make a donation to the air ambulance,which was ok.
We were woken fairly early by the sound of the tractor ploughing the field next to our bedroom they plough to within 9 feet of the window,not sure what will be the crop for next year,but I think it should be rape seed as we have had barley and wheat twice.
Sheila is still suffering with the dental problem and just a bit fed up now,also the fact we only got 2 numbers on the lottery is not helping,Jean and Norman called in on friday en route to their caravan and I had a look at their new car,ford focus it looks a nice car ,I have always favoured fords in the past because they are cheap to repair and service,and I have found them to be reliable if maintained properly,plus they make the best gearboxes.
Sandra and Sam the pom have been walkabout in the local bush and had an encounter with a snake of unknown origin,and other bush creatures,it can't have been as scary as when Sam the pom as a lad climbed the improvised ladder on the wicker while in casual employment on my payroll,it has to be said that I can give him a very good reference for fearlessness,unlike his trick cyclist brother who was scared by a large rabbit whilst on holiday in Montana.

Billy the dog

Reading about Billy on the KC blog,made me think about the farm we looked at near Kansas City,I think there were around 25acres plus house,barns ,stables and a swimming pool for around £150,000,sadly the US government wiil not allow us to live in the states otherwise Billy could have come to us over there, he entertained Sheila with his rope tugging game during our stay,I think big dogs need to have a lot of space and be in the countryside,so hopefully he might get a foster home that suits him.

All quiet on the eastern front

Yesterday I had a sunday of gainfull employment painting posters for the Sheffield national book sellers,which have gone to their dorset store this morning via royal mail,who I still find best for sending parcels,it all helps towards visiting the antipodes this winter.
Our little house on the prairie is quiet again apart from much clucking by our avian residents,the weather started a little cloudy this morning but now the sun is out and warming up nicely,but still a bit windy,thats about all for now .

Cyclemania

Having just read Montana Mike's blog and played the u tube video over and over a number of times,I was so enraptured by the new bike,strangely enough me and Andrew looked at some bikes in Tesco at Preston and the very same bike was on offer for £150.I was amazed how light it was the label said it was an aluminium frame(aluminum USA)you could lift it up with a coles crane it was so light,but the wheels seemed very fragile about 3/4" wide if that,and thin rubber tyres.
Sandra the pom is not saving the meat for me,but never mind I shall have a nice vegetarian meal instead,the poms are on a winning streak at the moment,hope they get promotion and Sandra splashes out on a new bag,I notice lidl bags are in fashion at the moment in Mablethorpe might be some fashion pointers there,whilst over in Preston Tesco is all the rage.

Home on the range

Back on the prairie much warmer than lancashire,after a 2 hour 40 minutes drive,amazingly after passing Leeds the motorway becomes almost empty ,but then Lincolnshire is the least populated county in England,driving is still a pleasure here ,and much appreciated after city driving.
Crocodile mick is not enamoured of skype,he is a technological luddite,so he intends to phone us to finalise our plans for visiting them up in the outback,his wife is much more at home on the computer so her and Sheila will probably arrange things on skype,bypassing me and Mick.

Sunny Lancashire

Saturday dawns in Preston with a drop of Lancashire sunshine,known in other counties as rain,Gina is at work and we are meeting her at Tesco just after 2pm when she finishes,yesterday afternoon we filled up at morrisons on the dock and with coupons from Gina paid 97.9 pence a litre for diesel,must be the cheapest in the UK,but an exorbitant price if you are American(about $7.50 a gallon).

It is strange to have no livestock to feed,and to walk 100yards to the paper shop,as opposed to a 6mile round trip,and the density of people is a novelty,we had considered a trip to Blackpool around 12 miles up the road,to see the lights which were switched on last night,though last year we went and were too late,they had switched them off,strangely we thought they were on all winter ,but not so,only a limited period.

Preston

Just arrived at Preston west end,after a 3hours 20 minutes drive,and we are watching the LARGE tv at Gina and Andrews,after two telephone conversations educating us as to how to switch it on.

I am writing the blog on Andrews macbook,definitely the rolls royce of laptops,this morning I commented on Montana Mike's blog before we set off on our travels,it seems he has ignored my advice to buy a place in Florida,and has purchased the house belonging to baby jane,well I can only offer my condolences..

After a cheese sandwich I looked for Andrews biscuit cache but it was too well hidden and so no biscuits,just coffee.,Gina has just arrived from work. and found me 2 Isle of Skye oatmeal biscuits

and a small bottle of Tobermory whisky.

Booked

After much searching and reading reviews I came across a special offer on emirates to oz ,times were right and a saving of £1000 on singapore airlines cheapest,which should more than pay for our internal flights to see Crocodile Mick.
We shall be in oz for two months in total missing the east coast winter,so its "crack a can of fosters blue"and a chardie or two with Sandra the pom in Brisbane.
Whilst I am writing this Sheila is engrossed in a Harry Potter film on tv ,As our Emma would say "it's too daft to laugh at",I think I shall have a small whisky to celebrate finally booking the flights,and hope the poms don't flit before we get there.

Antipodean style weather

we enjoyed 29 centigrade yesterday ,lovely!Icould do with that every day,shorts even went on which is a sure sign it is over 25,I never can stand the cold below that,and have to wear jeans,sadly gina and Andrew are off to the isle of sky today on holiday, and I think will not be having such clement weather,there's always the whisky though.
Speaking of cold weather here on the coast it is not unknown for visitors to wear shorts in temperatures of 12c,usually they have tatooed dotted lines round their necks with the words "cut here" written under it,and they wear designer t shirts which have a large pot belly protruding,and thats only the women,I think they are specially tailored,in south yorkshire and the midands.
Mike the mad cyclist is still trying to catch up with the old ladies in his cycling club,and is on the look out for" nice" company for his cycling trips,Sandra please note,you heard it here first.
Crocodile Mick is not answering his e mail ,but he never does it's his wife Debbie who deals with that,he claims not to be computer literate,but works a satellite positioning system on his boat?so still not booked any flights as we need to sort out the arrangements in Perth,the plan is quantas from manchester to perth,then on from Perth to Brisbane,and Singapore airlines from Brisbane to Manchester,this will save us the cost of internal flight in OZ,Croc Mick is picking us up in Perth and driving us on a walkabout up to the wild north of australia,he says to show us some sights on the way up ,(billabongs and joeys and such Ozzy stuff),but with a few days spent in Perth sightseeing.
I have not blogged for a while as I have been busy practising speaking in a very gruff deep voice after certain accusations re handbags were emanating from Kansas City.
Ciao Graham

Diets and Football

It seems that a condition known as orthorexia nervosa "fixation on righteous eating"is now considered so extreme that it is characterised as a psychological disorder, the condition was named in 1997 by Dr Steven Bratman a californian doctor,the diet involves avoiding sugar,salt,caffeine,alcohol,wheat, gluten,yeast,soya, corn, and dairy foods,I make no judgement but present the information for comment.
With my love of cheese,alcohol,bread,sugar,and all the things proscribed by this diet I am in no danger from this disease so I take the information with a "pinch of salt",(cheap pun intended)as the saying goes all things in moderation,well nearly all,I have a number of personal exceptions to that rule.
On to the more important events of the day,the football season is up and running,but it's too early for a real picture of this seasons possibilities,I am watching as many games as possible on the television,and after watching the Holland England game came to the conclusion after seeing two basic errors in consecutive games by Ferdinand,I must be the only one out of step in considering him a posing liability,according to the sports pages he is injured and so will miss the next England match,is this a blessing in disguise?

Big machine , little House

The chickens will have a birthday in this field when the combine has gone. At the moment they are terrified at the noise!

O'the roast beef of old England

Wednesday we went to Boston(lincs.) and met up with Vicki and Alan of Firshill Towers,they were at their country residence tattershall castle,after a lovely hour or so of shopping(not helped by Al complaining about the weight of bags though he did have a case as he was carrying a bag of potatoes weighing five lb),we retired to a little cafe on the banks of the river witham,and joined lots of other rather elderly people for a roast beef lunch/dinner,as you may guess this was not outrageously expensive it being a favourite haunt of the elderly,the only downside was we were running out of parking time and had to miss out on treacle sponge,the banana we had in the market was a poor substitute,though of course much healthier!
The weather is a little better and yesterday was a nice sunny day with temperatures up to 25c,which coincidentially is the winter temperature at crocodile mick's residence,it should be a little better at the height of summer when we visit,I was reading on a website that they have the best climate in Australia up there.
The poms seem to be making their mark in Brisbane,Sam with the football and Sandra is hoping to make the Aussie olympic shopping team,Mike Montana is forever telling her to save the receipts but having seen the bags etc.I would hesitate to go so far as to suggest anything like that,the brown one however does look as if it may have belonged to a kangaroo at some stage,but full marks for trying,I once bought a man's bag in Italy and over there it was fine and never a strange glance,the problem arose when I went into Sheffield with it,ribald comments and leering glances brought about the decision to use it for storing drawing materials and banned from use as a fashion accessory this was back in the early seventies,no doubt it would be less of a source of amusement in these enlightened times.
The cycling career of Montana mike seems beset with problems,not least a lack of ability to keep up with other cyclists,is the love affair drawing to a close or will his training provide a new lease of life to the latest craze?I am sure the poms will have a point of view on this.
Thats all for now from the lincolnshire prairie.

Seriously though folks...

Monday has dawned bright and grey,as is the norm for the good old English summer,which leads me into yesterdays visitors "sleepy Jean and Supernorm",who were at their holiday van for the weekend,it seems the term sleepy Jean was used by Liam (Sandra's very naughty boy)Jean was a dinner lady at his school and he arranged for his friends to sing "cheer up sleepy jean" during mealtimes,which she took in good part.
There is some concern about items of a non political correct nature being sold in shops,I remember the days of apartheid in South Africa and us campaigning for an end to this immoral political situation,we did not buy South african fruit and on a visit to Arab friends asked them why they were buying it,the response was because it is the best,and they could not see the logic of our case,we did start buying it when the black South africans asked us to as it helped the poorer people by providing employment even though they were disenfranchised at that time, so it is a good thing to have principles but difficult to carry others along with you.
Racism is not confined to white against black and vice versa,anti Irish ,Arabs found it funny to tell anti Jewish jokes,Asians anti black jokes, white people called honkies,anti Americanism,anti communism,its only political education can expose the negative aspect of it all and there is not the will to politically educate as it makes people question and not blindly accept what is in the media.

The green bag

Today was the coffee morning at the village hall,I went for a stroll in the village looking at posh houses,it is a nice village and only when on foot can you see it at its fullest,we are of course out on the prairie and see few people most of the time,which in my case is a good thing,I can't fall out with anybody.
Sam the pom is doing well as befits a former protege of mine,lets hope he can throw away the brushes shortly,if Sandra can just curb the profligacy and set a few bob aside,good win yesterday beating rochedale.
Montana Mike is quiet of late but probably preparing a sermon to deliver us from our evil ways,ie having the temerity to cook food rather than eating it raw.
The green bag was mind blowing,I don't know how Sandra does it,Iwas speechless when I saw the photo,and the accompanying bag?well what can I say?

Mixed Musings

Thundering at the moment here on the prairie,we escaped most of the rain affecting the rest of the country,but now its arrived ,it turns your thoughts to sunnier climes in particular I think of hot Italian summers with the occasional minute cloud drifting across a blue sky,as I look out a shower of rain has arrived.
It seems everybody who is blogging are shopaholics,all out spending ,do you really need all this stuff?clobber ,then wardrobes to put it all in,never to see the light of day for ages if at all,at least with grub and booze it gets used up and so makes space for the next lot,and we still have'nt seen the green bag,and matching shoes purchased at great cost in Brisbane's finest emporeums.
Sam the Pom is joining in the spirit of it all and looking to buy a new car!most of the football fraternity are buying baby bentleys,will he be following the fashion?will we see photo's of him and Sandra punching the aussie paparazzi,for daring to take photos of them blindo?
I think the sooner I get to Oz to help them mend their ways the better,the least I can do is help out with the wine drinking and counsel them on the clothes situation.
Paddy our local tramp has now taken to laying all his belomgings out on the entrance to green lane a grass track about 100 yards from the house on the prairie,no wardrobes for him it's carrier bags only,this is since he was "mucked out" at the barn up the road where he is a squatter,obviously he has mental problems but is harmless other than distributing his wordly goods all over the countryside, he walks miles carrying bags and is fed chips by the shops in Mablethorpe and Sutton on Sea,it's a sad sight but maybe he chooses to live this way so if he's happy who is to say he is wrong?
Thats all for now , graham

Red mite and the former scoutmaster

Unusually for Olde Englande,it is a little cloudy today,with the possibility of some precipitation,but the forecast is for decent weather friday and saturday just in time for the visit of Gina and Andy,the hens are scrubbed and pomaded,and yesterday we had a visit from Alan of Withern our chicken sitter in the winter,he came to tell us he was treating his hens and their abodes for red mite,Sheila told him she had done the same but we have no sign of them,though he did check out our hen hut and came to the same conclusion.
His location is pretty much like ours up a lane but much quieter than our road,and I think a much older and quaint property,though very small,his wife is a potter but has not done much work as she is recovering from an illness,he was a merchant seaman and ambulance driver among other occupations,unfortunately for him he told me and Le blade he has been a scoutmaster,thus condemning himself to much mickey taking,such as "and do you have the police record to prove it"which I hasten to add is not true and just mischevious chatter,luckily he has good sense of humour and gives as good as he gets,both him and his wife are vegetarian so there is no fear of him"necking" our chickens for food during the winter,if they die it will be of natural causes. So thats it for now Dib Dib Dib. Graham

Computer literate or what?

So I went to the dentist to have a broken tooth repaired,It's a village about 10 miles up the road,the dentist himself seemed a bloke with a good sense of hunour,and is a couple of years from retiring to go part time,so a man of much experience,job done and Sheila had a fun time listening to his dad in the office who is 95 years old and was waiting for his lunch,the dentist gave me an injection the second of two as it was a little deep,and said "back in a minute just off to check my lunch is ok,not a thing you usually encounter in the big city places,oops... can we say that about big cities?
He is an art lover and we talked a little about art,apparently his house is full to bursting with pictures he purchased,when I say we talked ,he talked and I tried to reply with grunts as he was drilling away at my tooth.
We are now awaiting our visitors Susan and Trevor,Sheila has made a curry which we hope they are not averse to,though I can't imagine Trevor being averse to anything,also she stocked up on Stones Beer,which I think is now brewed in Burton On Trent.
We had a problem with the wireless contact on the internet yesterday,if I turned on my new laptop it worked OK,but the pc of Sheila's would not let her onto the web,after thinking about it today whilst in the chair of pain,I figured that the location of the router might be the problem as it was below the pc,so decided to try connecting the pc to the router by cable,HEY PRESTO! it works,and I pick up a wireless signal on the lap top,probably I could just relocate the router to give a better signal to the pc,but as it is everything is ok,and nothing to do with skype as suggested by Montana Mike,(he has a down on Skype).

Pomodori e Basilico

It seems the little corn flies have departed,and its nice to be able to sit out without lopping,even the hens were pleased,though they tend to eat them off their feathers,I shall give that a miss,weather is windy but very warm,I am back from farmer joe's where I am looking after the place for a few days,his neighbour across the lane came for a chat and to remind me about his garden party on saturday,he throws this event every year,though last year I ws haymaking and missed it,it's a good booze up and barbecue, two oildrums made into barbecues and tons of grub,probably some game shot by his son,who used to bring us pigeons until I said we were a bit full up with them and requested rabbits and hares,but he can sell these to the local butchers so they are hard to come by.,but we have a farmer in the village who gave us one a while ago,so more free grub could be forthcoming.
We have started harvesting tomatoes from the green house so when Gina and Andy arrive there could well be a more abundant supply,and I have basil plants on the go for Gina to take home ,the new laptop is causing some frustration and tempers have been a little frayed,but we are trying in every sense of the word,and holding back on phone calls to the Preston IT centre advisor.

Nelson and Me

Reading the blog from colorado,it seems that the trick cyclist is having problems entertaining his grandkids,I suggest dressing up in the borat outfit which would result in them becoming highly amused or alternatively scaring them into silence.
On the subject of multi tasking,males brought up in the Rotherham area are skilled in multi tasking,they train at an early age in the art of hitting somebody with their right hand whilst ensuring they do not spill a drop of beer from the pint pot clutched in their left..that's multi tasking!
The forecast was for heavy rain today ,we had rain during the night but at the moment are enjoying sunny spells(10am)yesterday was a nice day but the little crawling insects we used to call corn flies when I was a kid are out in force and I think are keeping the hens and remaining two chicks busy de lousing themselves.
We had the le blades visiting yesterday evening with their little grandson,he came to see the chickens,it is the start of the school holidays tonight and he is looking forward to being entertained by his grandparents,though they are not as enamoured of the idea as he is,I remember many moons ago being ecstatic at the start of the summer big holiday,and scrounging around the south yorkshire countryside in gangs ,fishing for sticklebacks,or "minners" as we used to call them,and trying to ride on the pit ponies which were brought out of the pit for a couple of weeks,and left in fields on whiston meadows,swimming in the River Rother a highly polluted waterway at that time,and occasionally swimming in Ulley Reservoir,which was highly dangerous due to its depth and coldness,and the water board patrol chasing us off.
The only seaside outing was the Brinsworth Working Mens Club day trip to Cleethorpes and a ten bob note to spend,crisps and pop on the "Charrer"Charabanc, I believe was their actual name,posh buses really(though we did once or twice get to Bridlington and Scarborough),but it was usually Cleethorpes,which is just up the road from us now about 40 minutes drive.
I should mention that it's my birthday tomorrow a birthdate I share with Nelson Mandela,though I am not quite as famous yet.

Here's to the barley mow

Been very busy trying to raise funds for the OZ trip,but so far there are no offers on the flight webs,we shall have to wait till nearer the date and see what comes up.
It looks a bit cold in Colorado,everyone is wearing jackets,even in the alpine resort of sestriere,it was 82 f in august,and there was no snow at all.
I don't think we shall have a jacket problem in Oz this winter which suits me fine,the weather here is picking up and it was hot enough for the air conditioning in the car on our trip to skegness today,( madam was sweltered,and probably gagging as well),we bought a bread maker as ours packed in ,though they do get a lot of clog in our house.
For over three years we have been driving to Louth to pay in cheques only to find out from Dodie Le Blade we can pay them in at Mablethorpe as they do, makes you feel daft doesn't it?
The wheat and barley fields are turning to gold and being eyed by the hens with deep longing,they do like a little feast of fresh cereals,and after the harvest will be out in the field next to our little house gleaning for all they are worth.
I was reading the colorado blog about the cycling , and wondered if the Tommy Simpson of Kansas is wearing the borat outfit to entertain the locals? if so can we have a video of it to cheer us up?

Showers and Sunny Periods

Finished my posters and they are now on their way to Sheffield courtesy of "SUPERNORM" who called in with his gap toothed wife Jean on their way home from the caravan,the weather has taken a turn for the worse,ie showers and sunny periods just as I was getting used to Italian style weather,I think its all these people who complain that its too hot who are to blame.
Not much else to report except I shall probably be bowling with the elderly tomorrow(tuesday)and being regaled with the holiday experiences of Le Grande Edwarde,who has been on a caravanning holiday to cornwall this year,he is a little fed up with the French at the moment they will insist on speaking French and make no effort to learn English!!
hats all folks Graham

what heatwave?

It seems the rest of the country is having a heatwave, well today we have had sea mist and about 10 minutes of sun,so it seems our summer is on hold till winter in Oz.

Just picked!

We picked these in ten minutes on three bridge lane about half an hour ago,I confess we tried quite a few before weighing in these,but I guess its built in to the price. Living here in the country does have its advantages,especially in summer,downside is lots of lots of day trippers are on the roads at the moment heading for the lincolnshire riviera(Mablethorpe),the weather has started off misty but the sun is breaking through a little and its quite warm.,good training for our winter visit to Sandra and Sam the poms and crocodile Mick's we had a few minutes of entertainment this morning watching the hens showing the chicks how to eat and drink,sheila came in a minute ago to tell me she gave the broody hens some sweet corn(maize) and they picked it up in their beaks and gave it to the chicks,according to some websites they do'nt feed the chicks but this seems to disprove that theory,for further feathered revelations see Sheila's blog.
Football on tv tonight is South Africa v Brazil,and tomorrow its the under 21's euro final,us against the old enemy Germany!!trouble is it spoils the entertainment value of the game because it is more than a football match.

Here we go! here we go! here we go! again

Total is a French oil company who arbitrarily sacked contract workers on their site in humberside,an action which would have resulted in massive action by French workers if it took place in France,but thanks to the Thatcher anti union laws which the so called labour government to their shame did not repeal,Total are able to take this kind of arbitrary action,to their credit the workers have responded with a walkout,which if the union makes it official leaves the union in breach of the anti union laws,it should be noted that successive British governments have opted out of the social contract which is enforced in all other european countries,result is no protection in law for unions in this country,but every other european country has this protection through the social contract,the Conservatives like to project themselves as patriotic and against brussels having sovereignty over the British,but really they just do not want the social contract imposing here.

It was just like watching Barnsley

Watched the Brazil Italy game yesterday on BBC 3 it was a onesided affair,Italy were not much good and Brazil were their usual delight to watch,I only like 2 teams to beat Italy,one is England ,the other Brazil,I imbibed acouple of small glasses of the special cask whisky bought for mr by gina for fathers day,diluted with water in a 50% of each mix it was still potent,and helped my appreciation of the football.
The computer fairy has been active on our computer but the problem was soon resolved by Andrew,and a stern lecture was given to the computer fairy telling her not to download willy nilly.
Sandra the Pom is saving up to buy some wine for our visit,but really there is no need as I shall be replete with alcohol after two weeks in the west australa outback with "Crocodile Mick" it seems they live on fish which he catches daily from his boats,so the much lauded fish and chips in Queensland might be a bit of a busmans holiday,though I do like a grilled marlin steak ,or swordfish,not a great fan of cod though.
After trying for over a week to obtain an e visa for oz on google,I installed (under supervision from Andy) firefox,and was able to download the visas straight away,I even e mailed the aussie embassy to find out the problem but they were not willing to admit it existed,I did think of reactivating my 40 year old application for assisted passage(ten pound poms) but feared it may upset the aussies and militate aganst my being granted a visa.
The strawberry picking took place on three bridge lane and we hardly ate any whilst picking them,as we feared they would weigh us and charge for them,though I am told they were very nice.

Bowling

Had fun watching under 21 football this week,there have been two games on every day but today no game just as the weather turns to winter again and outside is not very welcoming.
I went bowling yesterday and bought some bowls off Sid who is a nice cockney bloke I share a joke with,he used to be a cook in the army but was injured in suez and left after a while to fry chips in London,he is not too keen on me singing "chippy tea" to him after the first couple of times and politely asks if I will desist,which of course I do,I wanted the bowls to try outdoor bowling as I have not played outdoor bowls since I was 18,and I played with my two brothers at brinsworth working mens club,(our Joe and our Gordie to you Mary Sue).
Largely because I was teamed up with the crafty cockney Walt who is a top man at the game,we devastated the opposition,which included Le Grande Edwarde who is reputed to go home and kick the cat if he loses at bowls,I detected a little wink from Walt at the end of the game I think he was a little pleased to put one over on Ed. and his team.

Two puddings rooney

It's the morning after the hog roast and no ill effects from the four pigs feet and mushy peas,and two puddings one which looked like sick but tasted like trifle,the other pudding was south african bobbity,which is like christmas pudding and tasted wonderful,I turned down the chance of a third in the interests of my image around the village.
Alchohol was limited to 250cl of german beer which did leave rather a large hole in the alcohol reservoir section of my belly,and not to be recommended.
To the delight of that poor lad in KC I shall be having a day free from voluntary work,and returning to normal mode.

Hog Roast

Yesterday was an afternoon of unpaid community work erecting a marquee for the village hall hog roast,today has been sunny and reached 82 fahrenheit,the hog roast is this evening and we shall be off shortly.
Last night one of the hens went walkabout all night(notice the"strine" creeping in),as I looked out this morning there it was ,it had laid a soft shell egg and was eating it in the compound,so I removed the egg and called the hen a few names,a pointless exercise but I needed to do it,this evening they have all strolled in for the Sheila Special evening treat,so no stop outs tonight.
Thats it for now so off to the hog roast we go,such night life we have here in the outback.

Down Under

Yesterday we finally got in touch with the relos in oz,we were on the skype audio visual link which is far superior to the other ones,I thought the old bloke who showed up on the screen was somebody they had found in the local geriatric home,but no it was crocodile mick in a funny hat, it seems he had been fishing and then lubricating his throat with victoria bitter,one of his sons came on camera and told us he had just been surfing(its winter) and the temperature was +21c here it was 13c early summer!having just installed the equipment they had a loose wire on the mike,it was left to Debbie to fix it (croc mick is an electrician)so I told him its just as well he has sold up and retired.
The upshot of it all is we are visiting them next year he wants us to bring Gina and Andy as well but I don't know if they are ready for his rich vocabulary without some previous exposure via the skype link,threats have been made to take us fishing on one of their three boats,they have two dinghys and a 30ft yacht,so there could be a little sick on the ocean waves to come.
Just out of interest we are obviously a family of some consequence in Australia,as there is a promontory in Sydney named Millsons Point.

Crocodile shoe

The previous blog is another hi jack by Sheila ,I never divulge my charitable work,it's bad for my image,to business now,we are just back from the hospital and the pot has gone from the lady's foot so no more milking it from here on in,the foot looks like the title of the Jimmy Nail song ,"crocodile shoes"though after a soak in a bowl,which I had been using to mix cement in, it looked much more like human skin than crocodile.
At the clinic we met up with cockney lil,the lady who fell on the plane returning from Florida breaking her ankle in two places,and we have now passed on the wheelchair which I delivered to their bungalow this evening before a celebratory martini.

graham Bowling.

This is my good deed for this decade!

Greenhouse Construction

Busy with the greenhouse construction,sadly our climate is not suitable for tomato growing al fresco,so concrete mixing and struggling with instructions on how to assemble ,are order of the day,though I had an enjoyable 2 hours in Skegness accompanying a rather attractive tall young lady from Macclesfield on the torrid beaches of the north sea coast,whilst poor Sheila stayed at the savoy hotel enjoying coffee and free newspapers.

Nostalgia with Social Comment

It looks as if Montana Mike is to be re named as Colorado Chuff! is the love affair over?I hope he can get some retro shirt idea's from the photo of that great centre half on Sheila's blog,that was when the ball had a lace in it and a spare one in the shirt,the boots were suitable for playing football and working in the mines,and it took a brave man to head the ball on a sludge sodden field,my mother always said "it was heading that heavy ball that made your dad go bald"she might have been right.
Nostalgia,it's not what it used to be,when a packet of cigs were 1penny for 5, beer 4 pints for tuppence and kids at 11 years old were sent up chimneys or down the mines,for a weekly wage of a farthing less tax,it makes you pine for the good old days,no TV,or internet,no washing machines,butter was good for you,full cream unpasturised milk with added tb.you could reminisce forever.
Latest from our hen hut correspondant,the white hen is still struggling to hatch a strategically placed pot egg,and taking up good nest box room,forcing the other residents to squash into two nest boxes,as befits their highly intelligent brains,they make billy the dog look like a genius.

Showers and sunny periods

Got the washing out early but the dreaded showers are now starting,5 eggs already after I moved a protesting hen (the little white banty)off the two large eggs she was trying to hatch,she is now sat on the pot egg in the vain hope of hatching that,she stayed there while I cleaned out the hut,a little like montana at his KC residence,lifting his feet for MS to hoover round him.
Bowling yesterday at the village hall,played with the crafty cockney Walt as a partner ,we won easily mainly due to his efforts,le blade did not turn up as he is recovering from rope burns on the neck after the blades lost in the play off for premiership status,luckily his dear wife cut him down in time from the garage rafter,I called in with some eggs and he was administering a cure of cold cider to the affected throat,in my opinion a much more efficacious remedy than chiropractors and such like.
It seems Sheila has decided we are going on a visit to australia,and I am delegated the job of searching for the best flights money can buy,I would be grateful for any experiences my reader may have had in this regard,thus avoiding pitfalls,I should like to visit my cousin crocodile mick while we are there and so flights from brisbane to perth are also in my sights with a further search for perth to carnarvon,insurance for the intrepid elderly travellers is also a requirement.

Markby church

This is the oldest thatched church in Lincolnshire. We went there this morning. They were fund raising to decorate the inside of the church having just had a grant from the lottery to renew the thatch

Giro D' Italia

After trying the gmail programme and comparing it to skype,the latter comes out on top,Montana may think I am just making that fact up but we have taken soundings and they confirm this.
That big event the Giro D' Italia is now required viewing in the Kansas City household,but some of us have seen the real thing during our residence in La Spezia,and like horse racing there is nothing like actually being at the racecourse,even if like me you are not a particular lover of the sport,I mention this because if Montana Mike would like to visit Italy and pay for a personal interpreter(much like a personal trainer) I know the very man.
Yesterday we looked at a house with lots of land but decided against it as the house was in need of much work,which would have been ok 10 years ago,but Ithink we shall have to settle for what we have unless we have a win on the lottery,but if that were to happen I envisage a nice place in Tuscany for the summer and an antipodean residence in the winter.
Harking back to the midwest of the USA we found a wonderful place near KC in the countryside and if we could have obtained a residence permit would have bought it,it had stables 20 acres,a swimming pool,the works and at the time with the exchange rate well within our price range,but we are not able to get permission to live there so its a non starter.
This morning I did my good deed for the day,I took Sheila's unused crutches ,to the residence of Cockney Linda,who had a fall on her flight back from Florida and broke her ankle rather severely in two places,and finds a zimmer frame to be of little use,so lets hope the crutches suit her better.

Skyped out

Sunday morning and raining the washing is in and out like a fiddlers elbow,the weather men say we are in for abarbecue summer,so we must be getting all the rain now.
The new computer has skype which will allow us to have audio visual contact with friends and relatives,though it seems Montana mike has decided not to use it,is it because its not his idea?
who knows, maybe he has a closed mind.
I notice he has tormented the painters who were working on his house,I have a vision in my mind of a similar situation with me and Sam the pom on the job,there would be much olde english language spoken and not a few threats made,re pots of paint and brush handles etc.
I am off now for my ritual organic cheese sandwich and a cup of coffee,before the football comes on tv.

Rapper Liam

I came across a rapper on the net who was the image of Liam,surely not even he would stoop to this level of activity?though I am convinced it was in fact he,someone needs to have words with the lad,showing himself up in this manner.
Our visitors departed for Preston West End leaving the place very quiet,the hens are missing them too,clucking in sorrow,the day started off with heavy rain but its now lovely sunshine and 17 degrees,which is drying out the hens feathers nicely.
We are hoping to get a number of our contacts on skype and than we can have audio visual conversations,which would be good for international contacts.

SCUM!

So its now official,all the politicians who trample on the truly commited members of their parties to get elected to parliament are no better than common fraudsters,something that has long been known to us all,like pigs in a trough they have selfishly gobbled up our tax money,and pontificated about morals,sadly the genuine politically active people who could have done a job without being corrupt have been shoved aside,there will now be even more cynicism and the populace will not vote as they see no way of outing these greedy self seeking people who like scum have risen to the top.
Its time for the real politicians who have altruistic motives to take back their parties and elect honest people to govern the country,and there are many who have worked hard to promote their political ideas only to see them adopted and misused by the self seeking elements of their parties.
It should be law that to stand for election to parliament,you should reside in the area you wish to represent,and have done so for at least 5 years, London accomodation should be provided in an apartment block owned by the people,free of charge whilst attending parliament, and a register of attendance should be kept,the only expense allowed should be a travel warrant issued to the member only,and not first class,and cost of phone calls all itemised , the salary should be the average industrial wage,(not to include bankers)and the old chestnut about attracting the quality of person is related to large salaries can be disproved.

McAlpines Fusiliers

I am using a keep fit implement which is guaranteed to tire out your muscles and relax them to such an extent you would not believe,I am using it quite a lot now that I am temporary chicken farmer,I will share the name of the implement with all (both) my readers,A SHOVEL,or "Lord Lovel" as it was known by Mc Alpines fusiliers,brother in law Norman being a former McAlpines fusilier bought me this keep fit tool in an auction at Boston some time ago at great expense, 50 pence,though it is'nt the Rolls Royce of the genus it being rather heavy unladen,it suffices .
Who needs expensive machines like the aborigine designed Abkingpro,when for a relatively small sum at most auctions a shovel may be aquired,and maybe the banks will even be prepared to hand out loans for the purchase.
Poor Montana Mike is still searching for the fitness holy grail,and it seems finishing up down lots of blind alleys,machines,diets,snake oils,the poor lad knows not which way to turn,and yet here in my little easy to read blog could well be the answer,a McAlpines fusiliers lord lovel and a plot of land to cultivate organic produce,as is usual because of my generous nature I offer all this information free of charge,go to it with a will dear readers and tire out those muscles with honest toil. Good Luck Graham (former water board fusilier in Rotherham)

Bridge Building and Antipodean Stays

This is my "bridge over the river kwai" or over the mostly dry dyke next to the hen coop,though as yet the hens are reluctant to use it,but if we get any heavy rain they may change their minds,or when the cockerel arrives he may show them how to be brave.
I mowed down all the nettles as the hens will not eat them and they were becoming an obstacle for them getting back to the hen hut,we are expecting a visit from chicken Al and his wife Vicki on thursday so he can look at my handiwork to keep him entertained.
Sheila's pal Cockney Lil has fell on the plane bringing her home from Florida and broke her ankle in 2 places last night,we learned of the incident when we met her daughter in the co op today,it looks as if I may be having the job of driving her home from wythenshaw hospital if there is no ambulance service,a trip of some consequence there and back.
Reverend Montana is back in full flow with his sermons on healthy eating,but is in danger of becoming very boring and not the least bit entertaining,poor lad.
Sandra the pom is vainly searching for Morn Cremeen biscuits(or cookies if you are American) but so far to no avail,Sam the pom her dear husband has bought her some machine guaranteed to make her fit and lose her beer belly,what's wrong with old fashioned stays I ask?
Enough of this tripe for today ,Cheers All. Graham

Bowling Day

Sandra. I think lidl have an offer on at the moment in their biscuit department so if they have lidl supermarkets in OZ you could try to get some Morn Cremeens before they sell out,you can't miss the very distinctive red white blue and black wrapper design.
Weather report; cold and raining which should please local farmers as we have had minimal amounts over the past month,though there do appear to be some small gaps in the clouds,it is just the day to go bowling at the village hall,where coffee and fig biscuits will be served at half time ,they seem to have a lot of fig biscuits,I think it is because nearly all of the bowlers are elderly and need the roughage,there's hardly an arrowroot biscuit to be had.
Home made curry last night followed by apple pudding and washed down with John Smiths beer,a very physicking meal if I may say so,as a result I shall go for the morning coffee biscuits at the bowling.

Morn Cremeen cookies!

Sheila was going to try and make some but I found these in the local health food shop. They were quite expensive but I suppose you are paying for the name! Graham

Auntie Rosie

Sunday morning and the washing is on the line to dry,5 eggs from the hens already,and I have been into the town for a paper,it will soon be time for elevenses comprising coffee and a couple of morn cremeen biscuits .
I really came on to tell you about another relative, my mothers oldest sister Rosie,who lived most of her 93 years near the London north circular road ,smoking 60 Players Weights a day and washing down the nicotine with more Guinness than an Irish Navvy could consume,with the odd brandy for medicinal purposes,Auntie Rosie not being a great cook unlike my dear old mother,much processed food was eaten at her residence,and no doubt many a morn cremeen biscuit was dunked in tannin rich tea.
Longevity is a very time consuming event in some peoples lives,and I was thinking it would be a shame to eat a so called healthy diet and them succumb to some swine flu virus which does not recognise the fact that you are immune to illness,if I might pinch a joke from the paper,is somebody telling porkies about this new flu.

May Day Missive

I am informed by my patient(Sheila) that according to the paper there have been demonstrations on may day throughout europe,but here in the UK nothing,in fact you would not know it was may day,the only holiday not linked to religion,and not a long established holiday at that,but there is no political party representing working class interests in existence any more,the hi jacking of the labour party by career politicians of middle class origins,and corrupted former socialists of more proletarian descent,is finally complete.
Montana Mike is ranting again about diets of raw food being the salvation of us all and helping us to be thin and healthy,though I had a grandmother who ate what today would be an unhealthy diet of pigs trotters,cow heel offal of all descriptions, buns of all description and the only raw food she had was a cooking apple occasionally, and she was a very"chubby" lady with hands like shovels,in fact anyone who encountered my dad would know that he inherited his stature from this very woman,sadly it killed her at 93 years of age,should we all go on the offal diet?
Changing the subject to the weather,it started off cloudy but I think I detect a breaking through of the sun,and as I have been out cleaning the hen hut this just seems to bear out the old saying"the sun shines on the righteous!"
FOOTBALL:tomorrow is the big day for Sheffield United as they can win automatic promotion to the premier league,depending on how Birmingham City fare,both games are on TV at the same time,so it will be an interesting day of football though perhaps a rough one with not much skill on show but a lot of endeavour.
Thats it for now,I'm just off to gnaw on a pigs trotter in the interests of longevity.

Meight pie,taters n peys toneet wi gravy

Jean and Norman called in today on their way home from their van,and we played them a couple of tracks from a disc given us by Gina and Andrew,its a group called Lancashire Hotpot,who sing very funny songs in a lancashire accent about everyday life in their area,one features a shopmobility scooter,and in it the driver falls in love with a lass called Jean ,which presents him with a problem"where my gonna put Jean?if you can download them it will cheer you up but you must get into the lancashire accent,its working class humour at it's best.
Sadly J&N left just before cesspool syd came to empty the cesspool,I would have liked them to enjoy that little episode,especially in view of the blokes name ,Syd!
Tonight I have the job of taking Sheila to Alford to the WI and this gives me the problem"where my gonna park" not really a major obstacle unlike the big cities,just a little quote from the shopmobility song.
Footnote; I dropped Sheila at the vilage hall Alford and there parked outside was shopmobility scooter,I don't know if it was the speed I was pushing her or the sight of the scooter but she was having amused hysterics,(well I think she was amused)I am now on call for the return trip whilst watching Norwich v Reading on sky.

Marco Pierre White's student !

After a busy week providing first class food and care to my poor injured wife,I took her to the quiz night at the village hall last night,we did not win the quiz as many were film questions and such low brow stuff we were not in tune with,though I did win a bottle of bells whisky on the raffle,not a bad £1 spent .
Weather is very good at the moment but we are not able to make full use of it just yet ,I shall now go and see to my lovely stew and yoorkshire puddings which I have made under supervision from "Marco"if you are watching the show on tv you will know what I mean.
Cheers Graham

Egg on the face at the bowling

Just back from the bowling/egg selling,not too much jollity as me and Syd played rubbish and Le Grand Edward was on the opposing side smirking at us,he only laughs when he's winning like the football fans.
Tonight is the return match between Chelsea and Liverpool,on tv but I think it is goodnight Irene for the scousers,though I shall be watching in hope.
As I will not take Montana's advice re these quack medicines it seems he is washing his hands of me,and letting me suffer,it's a bit like the attitude of the preachers of religion if you believe you will be cured,the lame to walk etc. and just as credible.
I really like the idea of Gina going to live near the canal and having a boat,much better than coronation street where they are now,I could signwrite the boat "the onion bargee".
I really like that white boat that Sandra the pom has sent a photo of on her blog,but it is very much in the background.

Nostalgia is not what it used to be

Today has almost dawned it is a dull grey misty and to make matters worse the Le Blades are basking in 22c in Spain,same sort of day yesterday,and I spent a lot of time on the internet looking for somewhere to go to get a little sun.
If I may write a little pastiche of Montana Mike's blogs,I pulled a muscle on friday and and was not able to use my left arm much ,after I plastered it with ibuleve rubbing oil ,it seems a lot better today,but there is I believe aspirin in it and I am not able to use aspirin due to a sensitive stomach(legacy of an ulcer in my younger days),an obvious solution would be not to hump bags of sand around which weigh around a hundredweight,I suffer with tendonitis and if I try to be 30 years old it creates problems which not even M M can offer realistic solutions to, other than eating raw carrots(good for the sight?) and other such delicacies.(end of pastiche)
Looking out of the window the sky seems to be turning "a lighter shade of pale"older readers will more than likely remember the song containing those words,I think it was a procol harum song,of the hippy era,halcyon days,when I even thought of London as a nice place,and misspent some of my youth there.
My friend and agent in Italy,Signor Piero Baral informs me I am heir to a fortune,he is of course joking but he has done a great job of making up a montage of some of my pastel drawings which are featured in a magazine,and for which there is a recompense,though not as he jokingly says making me heir to immense riches,he is a very accomplished photographer,and retired from his ultimate occupation as a talc miner ,at Miniera Paola a mine which is located in the chisone valle near the ski resort of Sestriere,there is now a mining museum there ,and Piero has placed some of my stuff on permanent display, last time I visited we went down the mine and had great fun trying to dislodge two feet long icicles from the roof onto each other(it was winter).
I think of the lovely hot air in olive groves in Italy and Sicily and the smell of different herbs in the dry air,and the silver of the leaves on the olive trees as the wind makes them glisten in the sun,and now here I am clutching at straws thinking the sky is a lighter shade of misty grey,but on the plus side my shoulder muscle is much better,and the sun will rise.
Ciao Graham

close up

Swans

Swans on the Great Eau at the trout farm.

Goodness gracious great eau's of fish!

Today we are going to the trout farm in Withern,about 5 miles up stain lane,my favourite cycling lane as there is not much traffic,and deer can sometimes be seen in the fields,Sheila has ordered a couple of trout at 9am this morning and we are picking them up at 11am,THATS FRESH! much better than the ones a week old from supermarkets,they live in the waters of the local river the Great Eau,I am not sure how it was named but it sounds a little like the Norman French had a hand in it,there is in fact a little hamlet further inland towards the wolds which is named Belleau.
It may be of interest to some readers that our diet here at the little house on the prairie is very well balanced,all our bread is home made by Sheila,we have loads of local vegetables,this is after all the county which grows a large percentage of the country's green veg and "tates" as they are known locally(think Boston potatoes),meat we try to buy from the co op which sources locally,or at the farm at minting near Lincoln,and an added supplement of Chia seeds is sometimes eaten by Sheila,though I am "chia full" enough without them.
The weather at the moment is lovely sunshine and around12 centigrade,for our Sheffield friends and relatives information.

Lack of Information Technology

Rain was forecast during the night but we had very little and today is blustery with sunshine and scattered clouds, around 10 dgrees centigrade.
Montana mike has problems with his computer company,a thing we are all conversant with,the dreaded Indian sub continental call centre,who have no idea how to rectify the problem but read from a prepared script,and leave the poor customer irate, the luckless asian workers are made to watch british soaps like coronation street to help them understand diverse dialects,some companies here are now using the British call centre as a way of attracting new custom, and I can only think they will be successful, which of course means that the cheap labour others have made use of is shown as being counter productive,here in the UK if the provider is in breach of their contract to supply a proper service, the customer can end the contract before the contract expires officially,whether this applies in the States I don't know.
Maybe the advent of Easter and much ingesting of chocolate eggs and bunnies will help to temper the outrage at the moment afflicting Montana Mike.
I am still waiting for the refund from the heirs to Dick Turpin the highway robber now plying their evil trade in Sheffield,and fear it may be a lengthy wait,speaking of Sheffield, the Blades won in the local derby with Barnsley,and of course Ian Le Blade was at the game, they have a match on friday this week which is featured on Sky TV so we shall be viewing that at the little house on the prairie,last night Man U. were able only to draw with Porto in the euro cup,and tonight is Liverpool v Chelsea on TV so I shall be watching that and of course supporting Liverpool. Thats all for now ,Graham